My past, laid bare in detail.
Well those of you following me on twitter will have seen events unfold about my past. I’d like to address this in detail now.
So you’re probably wondering what happened. To address this it’s best I go back to the start.
On the 5th of June 2017, I broke up with my long term partner and mother of my children. At the time it was just one, it transpired she was pregnant at the time.
I still had a flat of my own so I returned there. Over the next few days I went into a downward spiral. I was on medication for depression but I stopped taking it. I stopped everything. I was a mess, I’m quite a sensitive soul at heart.
It all goes wrong
On the 6th of June I’d had enough, I couldn’t cope with anything anymore. Now since becoming Muslim I hadn’t drank alcohol for a long time. So my first of many errors was to drink whiskey straight. After a considerable amount I decided I wanted to end my life. But being a wimp I couldn’t. Then came the biggest error in my life.
There had been several terrorist attacks at the time and the police had ended up shooting the attackers dead.
I decided that if I made a threat to kill, me being Muslim, would prompt an armed response and I could get myself killed. I sent a series of text messages to my best friend who I knew, would go straight to the police. This was around 1am on the 7th June 2017. I was right he did.
I continued drinking waiting for them to arrive but the next thing I remember is being woken by the police attempting to break my door down at 9am.
The investigation begins
I use the term attempt, because at some point I had piled furniture in front of my door so they couldn’t get in.
They started clearing nearby houses as I unpiled the furniture and gave myself up bawling my head off begging them not to hurt me. I couldn’t remember what I’d done at the time. So I was in shock.
I was detained, there’s a difference in Scot’s law, under section 38 of the criminal justice act Scotland, this is the equivalent of breach of the peace, NOT a terrorism offence.
I was taken to the Police Station in Inverness, processed and put in a cell in anti ligature clothing as I was deemed to be a suicide risk. I had no idea why I was there.
10 hours later I was taken to be interviewed. As it was Ramadan I hadn’t eaten or drank for 18 hours, I didn’t think, and refused a solicitor. I’m glad I did.
They interviewed me and explained what I was accused of, I had a few crying fits, but gave them everything they wanted, passwords, names of everyone I knew. Had I had a solicitor, they’d have advised I say no comment to everything, which wouldn’t have been good in this situation.
I was then charged with the offence I was detained for. Again NOT a terrorism offence.
I appeared in court and as is normal process “no plea or declaration” of guilt is made. I was remanded in custody for 7 days for further investigation.
Prison is a story for another time.
I returned 7 days later were my solicitor advised not to ask for bail. So I just did what I was told. It would speed up the process apparently.
I was therefore remanded until trial. The final charge in Scotland isn’t decided at this point, so I couldn’t plead guilty if I wanted too.
Prison in brief
So back to prison I went, it wasn’t easy but nor should it be.
However being in a wheelchair when everything is upstairs meant I was cell bound 23 hours a day while everyone else had, education, recreation, gym etc.
I made a serious suicide attempt whilst in there as I couldn’t take the bullying and harassment anymore. I was admitted to hospital.
On my return to the prison, I was stripped naked taken through the corridors screaming and thrown into a “safe cell”. Aka a concrete plinth and a toilet. I had no blanket for two days, no wheelchair nothing. I was told I would be relocated if I dare step out of line again. Mental health services in that prison was one nurse who also had many other roles. I was told it was my fault.
I got my charge on the 18th August 2017. Immediately I got my solicitor to arrange a court date so I could plead guilty.
I appeared at Inverness Sheriff Court on 28th June 2017 and my guilty plea was accepted for Section 38,”causing fear and alarm with religious prejudice”.
I was released on bail to return for sentencing in a month so social work could compile a background report.
The real trouble begins
Well I knew it was going to be bad but the papers the next day went mad, “jihadist” “terror suspect” were just a few.
This despite the Prosecution reading out that I “was an idiot NOT a terrorist” and that I’d been under “extreme mental pressure.”
My local mosque were fine, they knew me and had spoken to the Police. The locals however were let’s say, more hostile. Anyway that’s another story.
I returned to court and was I was given a “deferred sentence for good behaviour” for 4 months. This means if I step out of line the judge would jail me, her words.
I carried on with life, it wasn’t easy not that I expected it to be. The newspaper articles followed me about. Far Right leaders in America covered me etc. Not ideal.
My house was set on fire in December and as a result I had to move. I’ve been assaulted and threatened.
I returned to Court in January and was admonished. This means I’m guilty but the judge thinks nothing is merited, this was as for the offence I was charged with, next to nobody ever gets remanded in custody. It’s the type of offence drunks on a Friday night are charged with.
It’s worth noting that when I was remanded, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and have gotten the help I needed.
So here I am, I am trying to move on and make a positive impact. Obviously there will be some who want to hold it over me, as was the case recently.
What can I say? I did what did, accepted responsibility and tried to move on. Because my mental health was newsworthy enough, the media left it out when reporting.
So I’m going to carry on, be myself and try to help people.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I apologize for not talking about it before I just didn’t want it to define me.
Coul Links Golf are sharing that I am dangerous due to the incident in an attempt to discredit me. I wrote an article critical of planning permission being granted on triple protected land.